Why I Voted for President Bush, by Timmy (age 43).
George "W" Bush is the best president ever. I am so glad he won the president. When I voted last week for him, I made sure extra hard to know I was voting for him and not anyone else, because he is my favorite. He is my favorite because he wears a cowboy hat sometimes and never admits to his mistakes, but sometimes, if he is in front of a a big crowd of all people who support him, he will let himself make fun of himself for not always talking so good. It's so funny, he is like Tim Allen or something! I laugh so much I think I might black out and injure myself! Ha ha ha ha ha!
The man who went against President "W" was named John Kerry. He was not very nice to look at, because his face looked like some kind of old mountain or something. Also, he pretended to have been in the Army, even though he was really a "liberal elite" and also from Massachusetts, which is where they come from. Really, he was like Jane Fonda and fought on the enemy side during Vietnam and would have been executed for treason only all the hippies made all the police and soldiers dizzy by doing that stupid spinny-dancing they did and blowing bubbles and stuff. John Kerry also wanted to raise taxes for the rich people, which makes me MAD MAD MAD even though I only make $14,000 a year and hate rich people.
The main reason I voted for "W" is that I don't think we should put someone else in charge of a war that someone different started. Otherwise, how will the new person know what to do? Especially if the new person is always changing his mind like a flip-flopper...
Jesus. What am I doing? The election was last week. Grab ahold of yourself, man. It's over, son. It's over. All the weak-ass satire in the world can't change that. By the way, did you get a gander of that Tara Reid nipple pic? Kind of off, huh? Like a waning moon, a little. Or maybe somebody just took a chunk out of it. Also, is it me, or is her areola disturbingly yellow, a kind of bruised yellow? And what's the deal with these 7-11s? Do they have to be run by Middle Easterners? I mean, hey...
The man who went against President "W" was named John Kerry. He was not very nice to look at, because his face looked like some kind of old mountain or something. Also, he pretended to have been in the Army, even though he was really a "liberal elite" and also from Massachusetts, which is where they come from. Really, he was like Jane Fonda and fought on the enemy side during Vietnam and would have been executed for treason only all the hippies made all the police and soldiers dizzy by doing that stupid spinny-dancing they did and blowing bubbles and stuff. John Kerry also wanted to raise taxes for the rich people, which makes me MAD MAD MAD even though I only make $14,000 a year and hate rich people.
The main reason I voted for "W" is that I don't think we should put someone else in charge of a war that someone different started. Otherwise, how will the new person know what to do? Especially if the new person is always changing his mind like a flip-flopper...
Jesus. What am I doing? The election was last week. Grab ahold of yourself, man. It's over, son. It's over. All the weak-ass satire in the world can't change that. By the way, did you get a gander of that Tara Reid nipple pic? Kind of off, huh? Like a waning moon, a little. Or maybe somebody just took a chunk out of it. Also, is it me, or is her areola disturbingly yellow, a kind of bruised yellow? And what's the deal with these 7-11s? Do they have to be run by Middle Easterners? I mean, hey...
posted by Rob at
12:02 AM
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