A Visit from the Tinseltown Tattle-Tale
Rob is lying unconscious in a field while crows pick at his face. Filling in for him tonight is everyone's favorite gossip columnist, the Tinseltown Tattle-Tale...
Ding dong, kiddies! Sit back, limber up those jaws for some class-A dropping, and prepare to have yout tits blown off. We'v got some real doozies in the kitty for this installment.
Overheard: "Lost" lovely, Evangeline Lilly, prattling on to Jerry Bruckheimer about some sort of mystical Eastern spiritual something-or-other she clearly knew very little about.
Was that "Benson" bad boy Rene Auberjonois* our spy saw peddling blowjobs at the Arco station on Franklin Ave. the other day? Our spy says that there's a chance it might have been.
Spotted: steel-belted hunk Elijah Wood sharing a plate of duck confit at Ago with none other than humor hotty Richard Jeni. Do I smell wedding bells?
The hot rumor on the street these days is that Sally Field, Norma Rae herself, is slowly dying of ovarian cancer. Spread the word, but don't let on that you heard it here.
Blind Item: Which Jaws director once forcibly sodomized frog-like teen dream Corey Feldman after beating him unconscious with a bowling pin? Could it be Steven Spielberg? If we told you, it wouldn't be a blind item.
Discovered: the secret behind notoriously dim-witted sexpot Heather Graham's moderate success as a film actress? Her stunning good looks.
Witnessed: some twenty-something douchebag actor in a knit ski cap acting like a big shot at hip sushi spot, Matsuhisa, in an attempt to impress saucer-eyed strumpet Christina Ricci, who, our sources tell us, later jerked him off in the back seat of his Hummer, then went home by herself and watched reruns of "Mama's Family."
* Auberjonois is French for, "eggplant-like"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi. Rob here, back from the thing with the crows. Just wanted to quickly mention that the taking requests thing was a modest failure, and I also wanted to publicly thank TV legend Jason Woliner for his unprecedented largess, not so much to thank him as to point out to the rest of you how easy it is to give me money. And to those of you who have already given me money, well, now you've got some serious catching up to do. It would be crass to throw around numbers, but let's just say that thanks to Mr. Woliner's generosity, I can now afford that high denomination bank note I've had my eye on. Just something for you to think about, you miserly fucks.
Ding dong, kiddies! Sit back, limber up those jaws for some class-A dropping, and prepare to have yout tits blown off. We'v got some real doozies in the kitty for this installment.
Overheard: "Lost" lovely, Evangeline Lilly, prattling on to Jerry Bruckheimer about some sort of mystical Eastern spiritual something-or-other she clearly knew very little about.
Was that "Benson" bad boy Rene Auberjonois* our spy saw peddling blowjobs at the Arco station on Franklin Ave. the other day? Our spy says that there's a chance it might have been.
Spotted: steel-belted hunk Elijah Wood sharing a plate of duck confit at Ago with none other than humor hotty Richard Jeni. Do I smell wedding bells?
The hot rumor on the street these days is that Sally Field, Norma Rae herself, is slowly dying of ovarian cancer. Spread the word, but don't let on that you heard it here.
Blind Item: Which Jaws director once forcibly sodomized frog-like teen dream Corey Feldman after beating him unconscious with a bowling pin? Could it be Steven Spielberg? If we told you, it wouldn't be a blind item.
Discovered: the secret behind notoriously dim-witted sexpot Heather Graham's moderate success as a film actress? Her stunning good looks.
Witnessed: some twenty-something douchebag actor in a knit ski cap acting like a big shot at hip sushi spot, Matsuhisa, in an attempt to impress saucer-eyed strumpet Christina Ricci, who, our sources tell us, later jerked him off in the back seat of his Hummer, then went home by herself and watched reruns of "Mama's Family."
* Auberjonois is French for, "eggplant-like"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi. Rob here, back from the thing with the crows. Just wanted to quickly mention that the taking requests thing was a modest failure, and I also wanted to publicly thank TV legend Jason Woliner for his unprecedented largess, not so much to thank him as to point out to the rest of you how easy it is to give me money. And to those of you who have already given me money, well, now you've got some serious catching up to do. It would be crass to throw around numbers, but let's just say that thanks to Mr. Woliner's generosity, I can now afford that high denomination bank note I've had my eye on. Just something for you to think about, you miserly fucks.
posted by Rob at
1:23 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home