We Hold These Japes To Be Self-Evident

If you have ever visited the MCI Center in Washington, D.C., you've surely noticed the adorable names they've given some of their concession stands. Prominent in my mind, for example, is a beer cart called, "The Thirst Amendment." Yes, I know--that's extremely funny. I can't possibly top that one, but I canat least try to contribute. Here, then, are some ideas I have for MCI Center concession stands:

• The Secretary of Steak
• President Pro Tempura
• Grits of Certiorari
• The Red Hots Decision
• The Bureau of Engravy
• Freedom of the Pretzels
• The Pursuit of Life, Liberty, and Ha-peanuts
• The Commander in Cheese
• The Secretary of Health and Hunan Services
• The Federal Preserves Board
• The House of Burgerses
• The Department of Sousing and Bourbon Development

All right, I realize they're not likely to set up booths in which to sell jellies, gravies, grits, and cheese, let alone ones that exclusively sell jellies, gravies, grits, or cheese, but, you know... ease up a bit, okay? No one ever claimed this was an exact science, for fuck's sake.