Dateline: Virginny
Man, those polls are a great way to avoid writing. Well, maybe 'great' isn't the right word, but I think you get the gist. Still, I'd hate to close out the week without having written anything worthwhile. Well, again, 'hate' might be putting it a little too strongly, but you see what I'm getting at.
I know that most of you come here for my unquestionably significant insights into the news of the day, so I will now try to satisfy you on that front. If there was a biggest story of the week (there wasn't), then surely it was the story of Virginia convict Daryl Atkins. In 1996, Mr. Atkins abducted and killed a man, for which he was later sentenced to death. Six years later, in a case that pushed this country one step closer to being a modern society, the US Supreme Court ruled 6-3 that Mr. Atkins, having an IQ of 59, was not smart enough to be executed. Mr. Atkins was not the only one to breathe a sigh of relief that day; many Americans were thrilled that people from other countries would no longer be able to mock us for sentencing retarded people to death.
Unfortunately for Mr. Atkins, he is not just retarded; he is stupid, as well. It is still unclear whether he was tricked, bored, or simply wanted to boost his self-esteem, but what is clear is that, following the commutation of his sentence, Mr. Atkins hit the books, practiced his reading, writing, and his rithmeticing, and in the process raised his IQ 17 points, to a highly respectable 76, which is 6 IQ points above Virginia's offical retardation cut-off point. Commonwealth officials, ever thirsty for the sweet blood of the guilty, have scheduled a hearing in the hope of returning Mr. Arkins to death row.
The logic here is simple: "In Atkins' case, prosecutors have questioned whether he was ever truly retarded. The state's lawyer, Eileen Addison, said that his ability to load and use a gun, and to recognise a cash machine... showed that he was not retarded and proved his competence." It may not strike us laypeople as the strictest criteria, perhaps, but then, we're not entitled to a hefty "execution bonus" like Ms. Addison is.
These are, of course, embarassing times for the Commonwealth of Virginia. Only today, a bill sponsored by Delegate Algie Howell, Jr. (D-90) to ban people from wearing low-slung pants that reveal the wearers' underpants was shot down by the Virginia Senate. Mr. Howell, who represents Norfolk (which is pronounced, "Norfuck"), also proposed a bill that would make it illegal for drivers to recline thier seats too far for them to be able to see the brake lights of the car in front of them. This bill, which did not reach committee, is, when one thinks about it, a fairly sound one. The only problem with it that I can see is that no one actually drives with their seat tilted so far back that they cannot see the brake lights of the car in front of them.
I know that most of you come here for my unquestionably significant insights into the news of the day, so I will now try to satisfy you on that front. If there was a biggest story of the week (there wasn't), then surely it was the story of Virginia convict Daryl Atkins. In 1996, Mr. Atkins abducted and killed a man, for which he was later sentenced to death. Six years later, in a case that pushed this country one step closer to being a modern society, the US Supreme Court ruled 6-3 that Mr. Atkins, having an IQ of 59, was not smart enough to be executed. Mr. Atkins was not the only one to breathe a sigh of relief that day; many Americans were thrilled that people from other countries would no longer be able to mock us for sentencing retarded people to death.
Unfortunately for Mr. Atkins, he is not just retarded; he is stupid, as well. It is still unclear whether he was tricked, bored, or simply wanted to boost his self-esteem, but what is clear is that, following the commutation of his sentence, Mr. Atkins hit the books, practiced his reading, writing, and his rithmeticing, and in the process raised his IQ 17 points, to a highly respectable 76, which is 6 IQ points above Virginia's offical retardation cut-off point. Commonwealth officials, ever thirsty for the sweet blood of the guilty, have scheduled a hearing in the hope of returning Mr. Arkins to death row.
The logic here is simple: "In Atkins' case, prosecutors have questioned whether he was ever truly retarded. The state's lawyer, Eileen Addison, said that his ability to load and use a gun, and to recognise a cash machine... showed that he was not retarded and proved his competence." It may not strike us laypeople as the strictest criteria, perhaps, but then, we're not entitled to a hefty "execution bonus" like Ms. Addison is.
These are, of course, embarassing times for the Commonwealth of Virginia. Only today, a bill sponsored by Delegate Algie Howell, Jr. (D-90) to ban people from wearing low-slung pants that reveal the wearers' underpants was shot down by the Virginia Senate. Mr. Howell, who represents Norfolk (which is pronounced, "Norfuck"), also proposed a bill that would make it illegal for drivers to recline thier seats too far for them to be able to see the brake lights of the car in front of them. This bill, which did not reach committee, is, when one thinks about it, a fairly sound one. The only problem with it that I can see is that no one actually drives with their seat tilted so far back that they cannot see the brake lights of the car in front of them.
posted by Rob at
1:17 AM
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