Fun with Pointless Babbling

Shit. It's nearing my bedtime and I have no idea what I should write. The first thing that springs to mind is the Michael Jackson case, but what's really left to say? Well, I guess I do have a few thoughts on Corey Feldman's recent admission that Michael used to look at pornography with him (but--and about this Feldman was adamant--there was never any physical expression of sexuality toward the young actor). My questions are a) How does someone grow up to be as disturbing as Corey Feldman without having been molested as a child, and b) Is there any way a judge could toughen Michael Jackson's eventual sentence for the crime of omission that was NOT molesting Corey Feldman? I know it sounds strange, but I really think young Corey Feldman deserved to be molested by Michael Jackson as punishment for being Corey Feldman. I suppose we should all be thankful that I'm not in charge of the courts (yet).

Ah, and here's something to think about: what would I do if handed the reins of our nation's judicial system? Well, first of all, no more Gypsies. That may sound politically incorrect, but I've simply had it up to here with the Gypsies. And I would legalize all aspects of black-on-black crime, not because I'm some racist who wants to see "them" wipe "themselves" out, but because I am a true liberal who feels that denying blacks the right to criminal self-expression is like denying squirrels the right to scurry up trees and occasionally stop halfway up and stare at you in that vague, nonjudgmental way they have; I've said it before and I'll say it at least one more time: you can fight City Hall, but you can't fight Mother Nature (though City Hall can fight Mother Nature). I would also make it illegal for men over the age of, say, twenty-two to wear button-down dress shirts without a tie. It looks creepy, I think. And only fat old men can wear a sweater with a sport coat. And no one should be allowed to wear more than one piece of jewelry at a time (I will count a pair of earrings as one item). And anyone owning a car worth more than the median household income of said owner's home county shall be put in the stockades for an entire week, to be beaten and humiliated by the townspeople, at their discretion. And whosoever shall exact an unlawful tariff (as determined by regional tax boards, pursuant to Federal Regulation 7-4439-JS-06, and in compliance with all attendant federal and local statutes), shall be fined to an extent commensurate with tax board findings. Also, it will be illegal for all women to walk backwards down the street in the company of a man other than her husband or legally recognized beau..

I hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I didn't enjoy writing it. Here is where the fun ends.