Stooping to New Lows

I was in Beverly Hills this morning for reasons I need not go into, and as I was heading into the lot in which I'd left my car, an old man in a wheelchair asked if I could spare a little money. I thought about it for a few seconds before declining, telling him that I'd like to, but that things are kind of tough right now. "Well then," he said, and grabbed all the dollar bills in his cup and moved to hand them to me.

"Things aren't that tough," I said, unsure of whether he was fucking with me or making some sort of statement. He put all the bills but one back in his cup and pressed it into my hand. "Oh good," I said, "now I've got some money I can give you," and tried to hand it back to him. He refused, telling me to use it to pay for parking or something. I tried several times to give it back to him, but he wouldn't let me, and eventually it became clear that it would now be rude of me to give it back, so I thanked him and started to go. "Here, have another one," he said, holding out another dollar bill. "I can tell you have a good heart." I ran off without taking it.

Later, I used the dollar to purchase some rat poison, which I force-fed to a homeless man in West Hollywood. God bless irony.