The Chicago Bulls Can Eat My Ass
I was going to write something funny about how I acquired the nickname, "Rob," but I've decided against it. I need to, once and for all, explain just how it is that I am not a blogger.
1. When I started my site, I did not know what blogging was. I'd heard the word, but I thought it was just people compiling links. Turns out I was only half right.
2. I hardly ever link to anything. It doesn't seem worth the tiny amount of effort it requires. Anyway, I'm not writing anything here that demands I cite my sources, and if you're interested in a daisy chain of bloggers linking to other bloggers linking to some other blogger who was emailed a funny link and put it up on his site, go to any other site. You'll be sure to find exactly what it is you're looking for.
3. I don't give a fuck what other bloggers are up to and I refuse to acknowledge them as human beings, let alone interesting personalities. For one thing, if they were really interesting, they'd find a way to be popular somewhere where it really counts. For another thing, fuck 'em. All of 'em. The ones who write about politics, the ones who write about parties, and the ones who write about what their cat did, fuck them all.
4. (And this is the important one.) I don't want to be a blogger. It doesn't interest me. Good for you that you have some group you belong to, but it's not for me. What I'm interested in doing is writing, maybe recording something every once in a while or taking some pictures or whatever, but mainly I'm just here to write. I'm awfully glad that there are people who read it, but that was never my ambition. Sure, as the numbers get bigger, the more I want them to keep going up, but I don't care enough about site stats to acknowledge all these blogs that tend to irritate me more than they impress me (though, to be fair, most of them are just deadly boring). You want to know why? Because having a popular website means nothing. Really, what are the benefits of having a blog that thousands of people read every day? What, you get more email than most people? Maybe, if you're really well loved, you'll get an extra $200 via PayPal each month? Or if you're superpopular, you'll get to go on Fox & Friends and talk about the role of bloggers in the modern electoral process for a minute or two? Or maybe, if you're especially captivating and have an especially unique voice, some low-end Random House imprint will publish your quicky book on "The Loves and Laughs of a Quirky, 20-Something Blogger Living in the Big City"? And then what? And then you die, just like the rest of us. And it will say on your gravestone, "At Its Peak, His* Blog Got Over 30,000 Visitors a Day."
And me? I will be up in Heaven, smokin' a fatty and listening to the Allmans with Jesus. Because I'll have earned it.
* Or her.
1. When I started my site, I did not know what blogging was. I'd heard the word, but I thought it was just people compiling links. Turns out I was only half right.
2. I hardly ever link to anything. It doesn't seem worth the tiny amount of effort it requires. Anyway, I'm not writing anything here that demands I cite my sources, and if you're interested in a daisy chain of bloggers linking to other bloggers linking to some other blogger who was emailed a funny link and put it up on his site, go to any other site. You'll be sure to find exactly what it is you're looking for.
3. I don't give a fuck what other bloggers are up to and I refuse to acknowledge them as human beings, let alone interesting personalities. For one thing, if they were really interesting, they'd find a way to be popular somewhere where it really counts. For another thing, fuck 'em. All of 'em. The ones who write about politics, the ones who write about parties, and the ones who write about what their cat did, fuck them all.
4. (And this is the important one.) I don't want to be a blogger. It doesn't interest me. Good for you that you have some group you belong to, but it's not for me. What I'm interested in doing is writing, maybe recording something every once in a while or taking some pictures or whatever, but mainly I'm just here to write. I'm awfully glad that there are people who read it, but that was never my ambition. Sure, as the numbers get bigger, the more I want them to keep going up, but I don't care enough about site stats to acknowledge all these blogs that tend to irritate me more than they impress me (though, to be fair, most of them are just deadly boring). You want to know why? Because having a popular website means nothing. Really, what are the benefits of having a blog that thousands of people read every day? What, you get more email than most people? Maybe, if you're really well loved, you'll get an extra $200 via PayPal each month? Or if you're superpopular, you'll get to go on Fox & Friends and talk about the role of bloggers in the modern electoral process for a minute or two? Or maybe, if you're especially captivating and have an especially unique voice, some low-end Random House imprint will publish your quicky book on "The Loves and Laughs of a Quirky, 20-Something Blogger Living in the Big City"? And then what? And then you die, just like the rest of us. And it will say on your gravestone, "At Its Peak, His* Blog Got Over 30,000 Visitors a Day."
And me? I will be up in Heaven, smokin' a fatty and listening to the Allmans with Jesus. Because I'll have earned it.
* Or her.
posted by Rob at
12:22 AM
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