Your Mother

First of all, I want to apologize for my anti-blogger hate speech last week. I didn't mean some of it. That is to say, I meant most of it, but I didn't take into account the many genuinely talented people out there (many being a relative term; I'd say there's thirty, maybe thirty-five of yas, tops). And while I will always hold much scorn and contempt for Blogging, Blogs, Bloggers, and the Blogging Community somewhere deep inside my secret bosom, know that my hatred was neither directed at any of my sweet, sweet, precious little readers, nor was it something that consumed me like, um... the pox or somethin', some other disease that consumes you (which I'm not sure is something the pox does--do?--anyway). No, my friends, I simpy had--as the kids say--a bee in my bonnet. But a good, productive weekend has--as the kids should say--freed the bee. Hmm... Perhaps I'll print up some bumper stickers...

Hey, that gets me thinking: what are some other crazy bumper stickers I could sell if I had my very own bumper sticker store? (Which, by the way, is my dream since childhood. Just a little place on the boardwalk in Ocean City, Maryland, selling sexist bumper stickers to vacationing hillbillies. Ah, bliss!) Here are some ideas for crazy bumper stickers:

• MY OTHER CAR HAS A TRANSMISSION PROBLEM, WHICH IS WHY I'M DRIVING THIS ONE
• GEORGE BUSH IS A DICK
• HAVE YOU HUGGED AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TODAY?
• IF YOU CAN READ THIS BUMPER STICKER, YOU MIGHT BE SECONDS AWAY FROM CAUSING A MULTI-FATALITY HIGHWAY PILEUP
• MEAT IS MURDER. AS IS ABORTION.
• I'D RATHER BE DRIVING
• HONK IF YOU LOVE HONKING
• HONK IF YOU LOVE SHRILL, EAR-SPLITTING NOISES
• FREE SADDAM!
• YOUR DOGMA JUST ATE MY SMEGMA

I think that's a good place to stop. Stay tuned for some big news which I may or may not share with you. Thanks. Bye.