Don't Buy Any Green Bananas

A few thoughts on "The Constant Gardner":

1. Rachel Weisz (sp?) is a poor man's Kate Winslow, who, in turn, is a poor man's relatively feasible sexual fantasy. Take that how you will, but my ass is better than Rachel Weisz's.

2. The film's director (the Brazilian guy who directed the good but rather overrated "City of God" and whose name I haven't bothered to remember because he's not only foreign, but third-world foreign) needs to put more effort into pacing and less into photojournalist type shots of random human scenery.

3. Still, kudos to him for making a 2:15 movie seem like a seven hour one. Must be some of that Brazilian mysticism that I would imagine exists, because shit like that always exists in poor, primitive countries.

4. All that said, this may be the first movie I've seen where, about halfway through, I was bored and getting pissed off at sexy Roger Ebert for recommending, then ultimately thinking it was really good, albeit kind of forgettable.

5. I don't remember which one was Pete Postlethwaite, but I really like the name Pete Postlethwaite.

6. I came to one big conclusion from this movie: all the bags of grain we send to starving Africans, all the noble doctors and idealistic do-gooder types that spend huge chunks of their lives pretending they're Jesus and walking among the poor, it's all a huge fucking waste of time and money. If we really care about Africa, we'd suck it up, grit our teeth, and watch the current generation die the miserable deaths that await them, and instead focus on the long term, building infrastructure, teaching them how to build their own infrastructure, rather than make our half-hearted attempts to look like good guys by what ultimately amounts to bailing water out of an enormous and irreparably rusted old tanker with a Dixie cup (which, in turn, has a small tear on the bottom).

7. While I'm being dour, has anyone else noticed that these are really horrible times we live in? Seriously, what the fuck is going on? And when did George (Herbert Walker) Bush become one of the good guys? Also, I can forgive you for not giving me any going-away presents, but I will expect house-warming presents come early October, when I move into my new place. Give what you like, and give what you can, but remember that you can never go wrong with cash, drugs, or sex. Actually, you know what? I'm kind of certain I wouldn't accept sex from a single one of you, which says a hell of a lot more about you than it does me.