Don't Call It a Comeback

Hey, double meaning! Because this post is nothing more than a list of snappy comebacks that might help you, the stupid person, overcome awkward social moments and stand up to bullies. Plus, it only took me about two minutes to write it, so everybody wins! Here goes:
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What are you, the breakfast, lunch, and dinner police?

Oh, and I suppose Charles Manson is crazy, too.

What, all of a sudden you're Postmaster General or something?

Dude, I've got scabies older than that tie.

Yeah, well... at least I'm not gay!

You come up with that one yourself, or did you commission Benjamin Britten to score it for you?

Not for all the marbles in Dareeling.

Who's this guy, your endocrinologist?

If that's what I am, then what you are I can't even say.
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There you go. Happy New Year.