Oh yeah, wait...

I forgot that I actually had something of an ending in mind when I started to write yesterday's pointlessly long thingy. The premise was basically that people in cities like Baltimore don't have a ton of things to get excited about, unless they're big syphilis aficionados or get all jazzed by high infant mortality rates. They are, by and large, bitter, stupid people with little to cling to besides their rosary beads and their Saturday night specials. And, of course, their giant foam fingers. And these New York fucks, with their charity balls and their opening nights, are so greedy and malevolent, they have to invade Mid-Size Market, USA and ruin everyone else's fun and rob them of what minimal joy they're allotted. It's creepy, aberrant behavior. I don't know about anyone else, but seeing my native land invaded by hordes of drooling half-retarded bullies who say things like, "Give huh uh bayg of chawklit" makes me pine for the days when murder was legal.

Maybe I've said it before on this site. I know I've said it in real life. THERE IS NO REASON FOR NEW YORK TO HAVE PROFESSIONAL SPORTS TEAMS. There's already enough going on here. It's not fair to people in Cincinnati, who have nothing. NOTHING.

Also, Hank Steinbrenner has pushed ahead of Robert Mugabe on my annual list of The World's Most Evil People. The list isn't going to be officially revealed until June (timed to coincide with J.C. Penny's "Spring Into Summer" sale), but some prominent names you'll see include George H.W. Bush (shape-shifter king of our Reptoid overlords), perennial favorite Zach Braff, and Vampire Weekend frontman Ezra Koenig, who is as fine a lyricist as I am a catamaran and whose singing makes me want to hear me sing, and who, like Zach Braff before him, has a big smug face that was just made for punching.

All right. I gotta take my meds. Pizzeace, sizzuckizizzaz.