Meet the New Rob, Same As the Old Rob (but with glasses)

Okay, first off--and I want to be very clear about this--I do not, as some have suggested, have stigmata. Rather, I have astigmatism. Two distinctly different things. If we needed further testimony to the incompetence of the gutter press, here we would have it. That said, this morning, not long before my flight back to the rain-soaked Southland, I got my first ever pair of spectacles. As my vision is only poor (20/50) in one eye (I'll let you guess which one), I did consider going with a monocle, but then I remembered that that would be stupid. So I got a fucking pair of glasses, and after wearing them for about fifteen hours, I am now basically blind without them. It's a scam, sure, but what can ya do? (Seriously, if you know, please tell me.)

So, anyway, while I am, at the core, the same lovable scamp you've always known, I am now unquestionably smarter thanks to my new status as a four-eyes. See for yourself:



See what I'm talking about? Okay, enough for now. I'm very tired. Perhaps someday I will address the assholes who felt it necessary to wait until this, the season of joy, warmth, and love, to lash out at me with their petty, misguided criticism, but I'm definitely not going to address it now.

Oh, also, that tsunami thing was pretty awful, huh?