Hi. Here's a bad story comprised partly of REAL SEARCH QUERIES. Enjoy if at all possible.
I was dining last night with my friend Istref, perhaps better known to you as the ALBANIAN JIMMY KIMMEL. It is always a delight to see Istref, although he tends to ask too many questions. "DOES SIMON COWELL HAVE A MIDDLE NAME?" "DID IDI AMIN WEAR THE MOST MEDALS?" "CAN A MAN GET EXCEMA ON HIS PENIS?" "CAN A SHARK SMELL MY PUSSY?" and on and on and on and on.
"Christ, Istref," I interrupted him after about an hour of this, "this is about as excting as a DOVER, DELAWARE GOTH CLUB. Jesus, man. I love you and all, but at this point, I think I'd rather spend a BOYS' NIGHT OUT WITH TOM LEYKIS AND BOBBY SLAYTON! For all the depth you've brought to this conversation, I might as well be having dinner with a CARTOON JELLYFISH."
I wasn't really being serious, of course; I've known Istref long enough to know his quirks. So I was shocked when he began to bawl. "My God, Istref, what's wrong?" I asked, trying to console him.
"MY GRANDMA MAKE BLOWJOBS ON ME," he sputtered out amidst the sobs. "Also, I'VE BEEN RAPING FOR ABOUT 17 YEARS OLD." He went quiet again for a moment. "Seventeen long years. WHAT HAPPEN TO TIME?" He began to cry again.
"I know what will make you feel better," I told him -- "a trip to the MICHAEL JACKSON FUDGE FACTORY."
This perked him up. "You mean it?" he asked.
"I mean it," I told him, smiling gently.
A funny gleam came into his eye. "I have one question, though."
"Okay..."
"WHAT IS THE BLACK POPULATION OF WINNIPEG?"
"Oh, Istref. Will you never change?"
The end.
Okay, I've gotta clear out the search query folder a little more. Let's turn some of them into "poems" :
abortions in abilene
buzz aldrin punches tom green
history of colada
tony danza penis assault
ugliest celebrity feet
ray charles can't see shit
trucker, "taking a shit"
picture of something insensitive
naughty tennis sayings
niggers in hershey park
himmler daughter puppy
gay arcades in chicago
Lucy Liu fan club
cambodia is the best
how do you make a friend you once loved you love you again?
pcp addict eats through friend's chest
richard simmons testicle video
Tell me about hot urine
pedro martinez crotch grab
Idi Amin ate babies
my ass is ticklish
opium pillowcase
homemade jack-off tube
lucky dog fucking his owner
don´t tell me no muggsy bogues story
chuck connors being gay
joey fatone favorite snack
something funny that happened to Andrew Johnson
ethan hawk is an asshole
why didn't jerry orbach have surgery?
There you have it. Hopefully, I'll put up a page for the Fucking Christs soon. If any of you are up for it, please submit some artwork (I'd do it myself, but I don't particularly want to).
UPDATE:
Here.
