This Site Sucks

I gotta redesign this shit. I'm bored with how this site looks. Blogger's a big jerk, all uncustomizable and shit. What a pain in my ass. Have a nice weekend, you honky motherfuckers.

Oh yeah...

I completely forgot: the power of my song helped topple a corrupt politician...

http://www.funnsylvania.com/media/tomdelay.mp3
http://www.funnsylvania.com/media/tomdelay-prince.mp3

Now read the post below and save your thanks for one who cares.

Bill Bennett: Shock Moralist

I'm loath to write about this, because I imagine every blogger worth his or her worthless fucking salt is doing the same, but there's no way to ignore what Ronald Reagan's former Secretary of Education and self-appointed moralist, William Bennett, had to say on his radio show. To wit: "You could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down." (http://mediamatters.org/items/200509280006)

Now, some of you are probably saying, "I agree wholeheartedly, and that's why every morning I make a point of coming here and... oh wait a minute, this isn't The Spoonbender." Others of you are saying that the Bennett quotation was taken out of context, and indeed it was, but the only thing the context differentiates is that, in real life, he doesn't think it's a good idea. Even in context, though, he seems thoroughly convinced that it's the truth. Which, I don't know, maybe it is. I'm not especially eager to find out. I can't say the thought has crossed my mind, and I hope to Christ that if I'm ever in any position where more than six or seven people care what I have to say and I actually had a crackpot notion like that enter my skull, I'd be nowhere near dumb enough to ever say it out loud, let alone broadcast it on the radio.

Whatever. Here would be a good place to throw a made-up list of other horrible things Bill Bennett has said, but it would actually be hard to top the one that he really did say, and anyway I'm sick for the second time in, like, a month and a half, which leads me to worry that perhaps I've pissed God off enough for the time being. I don't want to step on any toes here.

I will say this, though: "Lost" is beginning to piss me off. I mean, the little "coming up next week" trailers at the end of each episode are ultimately more satisfying than the actual episodes. I demand some answers, godammit! I mean, golly dang it! And speaking of unsatisfying TV shows, I'm not sure how many more times I can sit stone-faced, staring at "Family Guy" and trying to figure out just why it's never more than slightly funny. Oh, and of course, "Arrested Development" and its wacky, ticky collection of zany goofballs, crazy silly-billies, nutsy cuckoos, and outrageously unpredictable scenarios can suck on my hot, greasy, anus. Amen.

La la la la la la la

Am I alone in not having realized that Bob Dylan is not a total burnout? That TV show really surprised me and really made me like the guy. I still hate folk music, though.

Thank you for your indulgence, and thanks especially to Michael Brown, for leading by example and sticking to his guns in this age of wishy-washy, trying-to-please-'em-all-all-of-the-time political apointees.

More Fun with Fun

So, I finally got around to seeing "Palindromes," the latest film from Todd Solondz. I'm not sure why I waited so long, seeing as Solondz is the one director whose work means anything to me, now that Kubrick is dead and Woody Allen is, at best, in a down period. I guess part of the reason is that Solondz has yet to make a great movie. And, while it's better than "Storytelling," "Palindromes" does leave a lot to be desired; it's not an especially funny movie, except, perhaps, for the Mama Sunshine section of the movie, and those laughs come largely at the expense of disabled children (and there's a pretty good chance that I only laughed because I am a horrible person). The Dr. Dan song, accompanied by Dr. Dan's fantastic dancing, deserve special attention, as well.

After watching it, I went back and read Roger Ebert's review. I don't know how much Roger Ebert's opinions mean to me, but I respect them, more or less. He made some good points on this one, but for some reason he seemed to think the movie was basically about abortion, which I think is way the fuck off the mark. He also seemed to think that each actor portraying Aviva (the film's major artifice is that the central character is played by a half dozen or so different actors) is supposed to represent an entirely different life, which I think is also extremely inaccurate, and I think I would have thought so even without Mark Wiener's big speech toward the end, in which he rather pointedly says that no matter how much a person may change on the outside and how a much a person may think he or she has changed on the inside, we're always the same, utterly devoid of genuine free will (of course, using his own argument, it's merely his genetic programming that leads him to think that way, which gets all too circular if you think about it for more than a few seconds).

Anyway, all high-falutin' criticism aside, at the end of the day, there are few things more enjoyable than a nice, cold glass of Hawaiian Punch. Try it for yourself if you don't believe me. Cookies, also, are sadly given short shrift in this age of summer lambics, soy cheeses, televised celebrity dance-offs, and specialty vodkas. As always, I blame MTV, which I call, "Empty TV," because I'm a jerk.

Oh, also, I'm apparently being sued by Comcast. More on that at a later date.

Things That Don't Much Interest Me

Some things I do not care about enough to write about them:

Ashton and Demi
Hurricane Rita
Rallies
Adam Vinatieri
Miguel Tejada's B-12 Shots
Hamas
Anyone named Natalee
Jodie Foster's triumphant return to movies I don't particularly want to see
The swift, just cancellation of "Head Cases"
The reissuing of Run DMC's back catalog
Run DMC in general
Anything from the '80s at all, for that matter
The iPod fucking Nano
Hurricane Katrina
Hurricane Rita, again
The dissolution of Tori Spelling's marriage to frequent "10-8: Officers on Duty" guest star, Charlie Shanian
Whatever else the blogosphere is abuzz with this good looking Monday (or whatever day you happen to be reading this)
The season premiere of "The West Wing"
The season premiere of anything
The sadly mediocre new Chris Rock project (applicable, really, to any new Chris Rock project)
My sad history of yo-yo dieting
I'm sad about Hurricane Katrina because I liked vacationing in New Orleans
Hurricane Katrina reminds me how much I LOVE cajun food!
Some mildly annoying new age disease I have that I think is really important because I have it
Rumors of Kenny Chesney's homosexuality
The mystery behind why Matt Drudge seems to limit civil rights type stories on his site to ones involving gays
Gwyneth Paltrow's thoughts, opinions, actions, history, abilities, credentials, pedigree, looks, etc.
Kate Moss/Pete Doherty (whoever the fuck he is)
"Breaking Bonaduce"
Hurricane Rita