I Forgot to Give This a Title

This is my target audience. Try being more like them.

So, I did something stupid. I got the stats going again for this site, so that I may torture myself with them. Traffic is really low, of course, but I've been away for awhile and it seems like there's a little uptick now. Like, it's gone from 3 people a day to about ten. Looking at the stats, I can tell that, of the average ten visitors, 7 scome searching for "world's longest cock" or some variation thereof. Actually, to be fair, only 4 of the last 20 visitors searched for that. For what it's worth, those people were in London, Denmark, Guyana, and Calcutta. Someone in New York searched for "ugliest celebrity feet". Someone in Staten Island wants to know "what differentiates a New York bagel." It's the attitude, anonymous Roadrunner customer. It's all about the attitude.

Repeat vistors today include someone who either works for or who has hacked into the network for the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency. I have no idea what that is, nor do I want to endanger my well-being or the well-being of my loved ones by asking too many prying questions. All I need to know is that it makes me proud to think that I am in some small way doing my part for the security of this nation and, by extent, the very planet that we as a nation own and control.

Another repeat visitor is in a hotel in Sarasota. An employee? A guest? Could it be a big league baseball player in town for spring training, just whiling away the hours in his hotel room? Maybe even an Oriole? Is that you reading this, Melvin Mora? If so, you really need to stop being so lippy all the time. It's no fun hearing a millionaire complain, especially when he's really gone south as a hitter the last couple years. I love you and everything, man, and I pray every day for you and your wife and your famous quintuplets, but you've gotta ease back on the 'tude, Bhropal.

Who else? Someone in Ireland's come to visit a few times now. Is it Graham Norton? Boyzone, maybe? The ghost of Father Ted? Could it even be Michael Flatley himself? I hope not. I couldn't bear the pressure.

And that is the end of this. Hooray! We all win!